he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
