So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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