In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
