Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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