Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
