You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
