Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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