Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
