I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
