i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
