I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
