May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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