i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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