Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize