we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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