How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
