it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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