the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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