Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
