After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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