Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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