I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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