1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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