Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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