You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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