Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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