Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
