There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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