i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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