It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
