i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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