dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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