Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
