Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
