I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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