Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
