Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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