I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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