I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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