My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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