you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The best revenge is premature balding
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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