i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
