When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize