All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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