i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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