Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
