Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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