Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
