I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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