Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
