I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
