omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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