If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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