I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
