Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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