I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
