Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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