So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am one with the molecules
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
