Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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