Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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