We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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