i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
