I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
